Overcoming Infidelity in Your MarriageMidori Verity
Has your partner strayed and you are struggling to decide if you should stay or go? The feelings experienced after your spouse or partner has cheated can be consuming and debilitating BUT can your relationship recover? According to Marriage and Family Therapist, Alicia Taverner, approximately 40% of marriages survive infidelity. In fact, if handled well, it can be a catalyst to help your relationship become stronger than before.
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Why Does Infidelity Happen
Taverner notices in her practice that when people have been in a relationship for an extended period they often feel as though parts of them have died. Common patterns may include, one spouse walking on eggshells trying to appease their wife. Another might be that they feel suffocated with the responsibilities of taking care of children and the household.
Cheating can awaken the part of you that has been suppressed, making you feel alive again. Unfortunately, everyone pays a very high price for this action.
How to Avoid Straying
It’s imperative to keep your love alive. Show up in your relationship being transparent, and authentic. Keep lines of communication open and honest. Make it a priority to do activities that help you stay involved to form a closer connection and greater intimacy. Play together often and strive to have fun.
How to Make it Good Again
When a couple decides they want to work it out there are a few things that need to happen. Both partners need to take responsibility for what they did to contribute to the affair. Lift up the rug to uncover hidden issues that may have lead to the behavior. How can the habit or pattern be changed?
How Long is this Going to Take
Recognizing what contributed to the infidelity is the priority. Once that is agreed upon, you need to deal with the issues and come to a mutual understanding. The relationship of the past is dead. Start over to establish a new, fresh relationship moving forward.
Create new boundaries. Maybe you try living in different homes for a period. Take steps to help rebuild the trust and form a healthier relationship.
Relationships are continual work, regardless of infidelity. Make one another a priority and learn effective communication skills. Cheating doesn’t have to mean the end of marriage. If both partners reflect on the transgression with eyes wide open and are fully committed to success, a beautiful long-term marriage can blossom.
Alicia Taverner is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, #50414, with a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communications from the University of La Verne, and a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.
Alicia has contributed to several online and print magazines and has a regular spot on a local radio station (KCAA) in the Inland Empire, CA.
Alicia uses her educational background to help others enhance their communication, and improve their relationships. She resides in the Inland Empire with her husband and two children. Her personal passions include biking, snowboarding, yoga, and spending time with family and friends.